20(years old)10?

hello my dearest blog with no reader. haha. i've been happy, depressed, alone, cheerful, having worst and better days this year. my parents were away for awhile, kinda miss them. oh, i miss them a lot. now, they have returned and i have never been happy! i have spent their money accordingly, i think. taking care of 6 siblings is a hardwork yeh. i had to cook, which i'm not very good at, but so far, everyone is alive. trying to keep the house clean is a challenge when you have your 2-16 years old brothers and sisters as the opponents. hah. and harrassment from the 'outsiders' never fail to make me feel like straggling them in very cold water. yes, yes, yes. for 1 month and 10 days, i have been a guardian for my little siblings. it helps me loving them a little bit more, makes me think about my responsibility towards others and just surviving this life trip and learnt the value of family and sticking together. you only have yourself and your family in the end when the others tend to do the same thing too. ok, enough about that. here's my 2010 new year resolutions that i've come up with. i've decided that starting this year, i want to have my list of resolutions according to my age. haha. with exceptations. hahah.

2010 new year resolution

1)improve my private life
-ok, this is bad, i may sound desprate but hey, a girl could always dream, right?

2)more artwork
-probably working on sketch and realism, and also colourful painting on little canvas, a collection. so my house, one day would be so colourful and so awesome. wink2.

3)buy and read 20 books and do reviews
-granted, turning 20, a big change, 20 resolutions, 20 books and reviews. i always got lucky with books i pick.

4)DSLR camera as a birthday gift for myself
-i always get myself a gift on my birthday, huh more or less, but this year, an
expensive one. but if u want to suprise me, let me know. wink2

5)celebrate for being 20
-hmm, this one, i want to do something, big maybe but i don't know yet. something make my life worth living after 20 years of my life.

6)achieve something, anything big this year
-related, please see above

7)i want to celebrate upon every achievement, even the smallest that worth celebrating
-brownies for breakfast, the most creamy, chocolest cute cupcake 3 days in a row, ice cream after 2 am with movies, if the next day is holiday. you name it, sweet.

8)enjoy my life, my way, to the fullest
-life is too short, might as well enjoy it.

9)give myself eveything that i deserved.
-DSLR camera, good books, enough rest, high pointer, happiness.

10)broaden my horizon, open to new things and be positive with everything.
-this one, i always fail, misrably. let's try again.

11)nailed my degree year 1 with highest pointer.
-well, i just have to work my ass off.

12)need to get out of the house and start living like everybody else
-yeah, i still live with my parents and my little siblings, yeah, home sweet home. ok, maybe, probably, this year i'll try.

13)Improve my way of life, change for better.
-this is between me and God.

14)Go greener.
-i tried recycling and i sucked. this year, that and plastic bags no more.

15)learn to ignore and said no.
-a weakness of mine. for having so much of compassion in the wrong situation.

16)learn to accept rejection and cope with failure so it would motivate me to start again.
-haha. egoistical.

17)learn to let go and get over those stupid things
-this one has giving me a hell of a hard time to move on.

18)be a good teacher like mom.
-mana jatuhnya kuah, kalau tak ke nasi

19)to always be there even if it hurts.
-it's a long process and it always makes me wonder if i was really there and why it has to hurt.

20)i hope to get through all of these changes and still be true to myself.
-changes could be good.

late enrty:
i haven't watch NEW MOON yet, boo-hoo, big deal. so, it came down to this. if i'm not going to watch new moon, so i will not watch eclipse and breaking dawn. yeah, well maybe one day, i'll go and buy the whole saga dvd duluxe edition, sit down with my homemade popcorn and watch the whole thing on my 55' plasma TV, alone. yeah, one day. or maybe, if this is possible, i want to rent a movie theater, popcorns and free time. hehe.larger screen. besar punyer!

am i gonna jinx my new year by making my new year resolutions public? nah, i'm not that strict. lol. :]