forgive me

im sorry
for i'll never be good enough for you
i'm sorry
for the words that i've thrown away
i'm sorry
for my mindless mistake
i'm sorry
for im not a daughter you want.

it's okay then, if you don't want to talk to me, maybe i deserved that.

Handcuffs by Bethany Griffin

my second book review

i had to buy it because the title of the book is handcuffs. man, i am so sick! when handcuff is involved, i was expecting something close to porn but it is not. thank god for that. and it is better than porn and it excite me to read.

its a story about a girl, parker prescott who is an ice princess, the boy who wants to thaw her, and everything that happens after they get caught with a pair of handcuffs. so busted but the moment was exhilarating and the moves, the question but the aftermath, sucks.

i just love her sometimes twisted mind and how she is with her ex-boyfriend, its almost not normal. but the boy is considered charming and dangerous at the same time. nope, he's not a vampire, thank you. and i am crazy for the handcuff moment, it was oh so sexy and well, so wrong but so tempting? ah yeah, something like that. i wouldn't mind that happen to me. LOL. but either way, that was most about it. its a almost typical school love story, family crisis, school life sucks and girl-enemies, friendship fuck-up, just like the one i had, and that's pretty much are.

but one thing i found very funny, parker blackmailed her neighbour and it works, like what? 2000$ dollars and she gets the money! LOL, its crazy but she got caught in the end. the thing is she did it for a good cause but stealing is still stealing, but she didnt get charged because the neighbour, Kyle, ex-friend knew who and why.

and the reason parker and he boyfriend which has no name in the book broke up because he wants to have sex with her and she don't but in the end they did it without being in the relationship and when the guy wants to get back together, she doesn't want to. strange but i really like her. LOL. a good read.

please don't disturb me.

i dunno what to do anymore. it seems so empty these days. i don't want to tell the story but i can't keep it burried there because its eating my heart out. even if the story have been told, no one would have the complete understanding of what or why and automatically, i am the victim instead of the predator. human. i wish they just say it even if it hurts. but i guess they just dont understand everything that happened, so i hope they would just forget everything that ive told like it was a whisper in the wind, swift and lost its way...yet, i want you to listen to it, of how disturbed it sounds.

i drive and drive into the long heavy traffic, and with my break was merely working, waiting til the day its losing and not functionting anymore. if you want to die, its so easy, you can either unconciously let go of the steering wheel while you were speeding at a turn, i have that privilege which i am very afraid to use. often i wish to let go after i finished thinking and cry. being in the traffic, you have all the time in the world to see, to think, to scream, to cry, to get distracted or to even to talk to yourself into things because everybody else would be busy to get out of the traffic and won't notice you. i am really afraid of myself because ot the impulsive acts that i could pull while driving. sometimes it is involuntary, so far it was always almost to hit the divider but i managed. i keep having these urges, to see what happen if i finally let go, to crash and to no longer seen walking on this earth.

Ya Allah, i am at Your mercy. Please don't let me lose it and only to You i pray and ask for protection in this life. but if it was meant for it to happen, i surrender completely to You.

awareness is very important but i can't seem to have that anymore. i shouldn't be driving like this but i don't want to burden my mom with things like this as if she haven't have enough things on her mind to worry about. oh, don't tell her. i just hope my sanity would be strong enough to control me to get there safely and to still be able to let my mom knows that i am already arrived in one piece, everyday. to keep holding on to the steering wheel means a life to live for, i just have to keep remember that. i have a life to live for even it meant solitude and my family that i love the most. how can they cope without me anyway? haha, yeah they need me alrite. drive and keep driving till you can't drive anymore.

True Love by Lurlene McDaniel

my first book review.

like the previous one that i've read, how do i love thee, this book true love is equally good. like always, i tend to go for a good bargain, 3 stories in one thick novel with a very reasonable price. yup, imma sucker for that.

the stories flow like this: Love, Romance and Friendship.

Love: Don't Die,My Love
Romance: I'll Be Seeing you
Friendship: A Rose for Melinda

my most fav is the 3rd story, the name reminded me of someone, kind of ironic or something. it was the most gripping yet out of the three. i cried a lot for this one. guess i saw how painful it is and the story was not written in the usual novel way. it was in the form of letters, emails, invitations, IM's, short notes and phone conversation. oh, and the diaries too. so you know it straight from the character's head. the others was ok, the first and the last involving death but not the second one. but for all the stories, it was worth reading.

Lurlene McDaniel is good with love and death. but the foremost important elements that she's trying to convey is hope and faith for the ones you loved. no matter if you are still alive or dead, the love never dies. yeah, i cried, it was sad and depressing. but a very good read. i rarely dissapoint myself when i pick up a book to read, one or two maybe but so far, i like my collection. you might call me shallow but as long as i enjoy what i read, you should do the same and get off my case.